Depression

I am definitely depressed. It is a very mundane yet despairing feeling.

I feel it would be better to be sad. To feel that gut-wrenching squeeze when you think about what reality has presented to itself. Grief has a way of keeping that feeling with you.

But apathy is different. It is silent. Yet so deafening. It hurts.

It feels like there’s this weird discomfort settled deeply within my psyche, and when I push into it further, it extends into greater depth. Rather than understand it, I become more swallowed by the abyss of what is uncomfortable.

Nothing feels very real anymore. I chalk up this dissociation with an impending change in my life, one that is dramatic and impacts everything.

Time will tell.